The Church Really did Not Want Me Back!
Sometimes I feel like the grandfather of the independents – My SP declare is almost vintage (later 80s), but I am in the lucky position that it has recently been updated and refreshed.
Let me tell you the story and show you that there really is no way back.
I think I caught the last little bit of the trailing edge when Scientology in the church was fun and exciting. Great people at the Frankfurt mission when I started in the late 70s. But soon after I got hooked things started to turn sour, with flag missions going around, destroying theta and replacing people with those that had none of that.
The only way to determine if this was just a phenomenon of a far-away-from-source mission or some systemic problem, was to go to the center of it all. Thus I sold everything, quit my job and joined the sea org in the mid 80s. What had convinced me to take that step was a definition for the SO I had seen once: A group of OTs working on a common goal.
Sounds good, huh?
But I found out very quickly that this was certainly not what the SO really was. And I was in INCOMM, one of the premier orgs – not quite RTC but just below that. How bad must it have been in the middle levels?
I’ll skip the grueling, yet funny details, but within a year I was out and declared. It did not take very long until I hooked up with the early independents and moved up the bridge, something that had not happened for long while in the church. So, I really did not miss the ‘warmth of the mother-church’ for long.
But there was nagging feelings of guilt – I had brought in my soon to be divorced wife and she was still in. I felt responsible for that and the way to do something about it was to get back just so that she would talk to me. I could not do the regular route from SP to valuable member – these A to E steps – because one of these steps would have been to pay my freeloader bill (probably more than 100k) and I was not willing to give a single penny.
So I contacted my only terminal – the international justice chief – and tried to get my SP declare reviewed. I all looked very positive, I could feel that the people I communicated with really wanted to help me to come back home. But after all the paperwork had been sent ‘up-lines’ (the RTC) I never heard anything again.
I tried this again a few years later with the same results.
People who cut my communication lines annoy me and I don’t like to have them win, so I tried a third time at the end of the nineties. This time I did not give up but kept on nudging when a comm cycle dropped out and it took me 7 to 8 years until I finally met with a committee of evidence (comm-ev, the fact finding group in church justice actions).
During many of these years I had been a rogue agent – and SP within.
Sounds James-Bondy – here is how that all came down. I had a little son and the best pre-school I had found happened to be run by (church-) scientologists. And when my son graduated from there after three years, the logical next step was Delphi Academy, again because that appeared to be the best school and not too far away. Thanks to the total out-admin I was never found out – just the opposite, I had become a decorated member of both schools.
All this found an immediate end when the comm-ev, 8 years in the making, more or less confirmed my suppressive behavior. One of the big crimes was that I had contact with scientologists while being declared. I threw the towel, came out of the closet and instantly my honor-roll son was kicked out – out of that non-denominal school.
This ‘swift’ scientology justice action of only 8 years was not quite over though as the recommendations from the comm-ev had not been all approved and this is where it all bogged down again. With all the violation of tech and admin I had seen I was now starting to really have fun and I wanted to see how far I could take this whole thing.
So, I requested that this bogged down cycle was to be picked up again. This time it only took three years until a new comm-ev happened. I met with four new members and – again – it looked all good and positive. These were the real people that wanted to do the right thing and help. But then the approval process started, you know this ‘up-line’ process to get the ‘authority’ look at it and I can only imagine that my four people must have been terribly chastised, because at a second meeting the tone was different as day an night.
And, incredibly, this time the cycle was completed. I finally got a big envelope with the confirmation that I am indeed an anti-social person.
In a larger view of things it was a non-event, but it is annoying that I still have not been able to get in touch with my ex Karin. For a long time I thought that she, being in here for so long, is now a hopeless case, but there are so many old-timers finding their way out now, that there might be a good chance now.
My personal lesson from this ordeal? There is just no way to fix something in the church that would require them to admit a mistake.